So I think that all men don't know the concept of communication. Whenever I go to Nick trying to talk about something serious I always end up get frustrated. The man doesn't talk! Last time I told him that I wasn't going to live my life full of "I don't know"s. Nick just shrugged his shoulders and we went back to life. Ugh, every time we talk it gets better. I have now realized that it is going to be a while before our communication was perfect if it ever gets there. We are always honest and we do talk about the hard stuff so I think we are better off than most.
Anyhow, in class last week we talked about communication. It was all basic stuff that we've all heard before. With the exception of a few things. One that stuck out with me above all was HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, tired; if you are any of these things then it is not the time to talk. Don't ever demand to resolve something before going to bed. It is better to go to bed and talk about it in the morning, with a night's rest it may not even be a problem. Remember that in every situation everyone understands what was said in a slightly different manner. And "own" the message, don't beat around the bush.
Well I've thrown out a bunch of random thoughts. Feel free to throw out some advise and leave a comment.
I think a lot of people are determined to be offended--they look for the most negative part of a message, and they get mad. Just believe that Nick wants you to be happy and wants the same things as you in the end (umm...that's marriage, right?) and remember that he's not the only one who needs to change sometimes. And just talk as much as you can. If you're good at talking about normal things, it'll be easier to talk about touchy things. And remember: what's more important, something that makes you mad, or your husband's happiness? One time Nate broke a measuring cup and I wanted to get mad at him, but then I remembered that I love him more than the measuring cup. :)
ReplyDeleteI would definitely stick to the "HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, tired; if you are any of these things then it is not the time to talk." I have learned the hard way that I don't communicate very well when I'm hungry and/or tired, but it will help your communication to learn things like this to help know when a "safe" time to talk is. Continue talking because practice makes perfect! ;)
ReplyDeleteI've noticed that with my man that sometimes I have to ask him the direct question, usually after first getting his attention. Or sometimes, "is this what you think?". And he usually pays more attention that way. So, whether that method works for you or you find your own way of getting him to communicate with you, boys are dumb and you have to make it easier for them. Oh and that HALT thing, I think our whole family should be taught a lessons about that.
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